Pay It Forward

You know when you go to buy a cart at the grocery store and some lovely person has left their dollar in it, making that moment a bright spot in your day? That happened to me the last time I was at the grocery store. I had my dollar in hand and was ready to put it in the cart and realized that someone had left their dollar in it. I don't know if they forgot or if it was intentional but it put a smile on my face. The first thing I did was look around to see if  someone was smiling, letting me know that they had planned this moment for someone, that they were paying it forward. I really like to think that the world is a nice place, that people really care about each other and are looking out for each other. I like to think that generosity and the brotherhood of man are principles that the world could live by. The concept of paying it forward is one that is both heart-warming and world-altering.

With these thoughts in mind, when I returned the cart to the parking lot I left the cart with the dollar in it for the next person. I was feeling great. I was paying it forward, I was doing the right thing. I noticed, as I was settling the kids in the car, that there was a lady sitting in the car right next to me, which was right next to where the carts are parked. I had noticed that she had been putting her groceries into her car as I was walking across the parking lot with the kids and our groceries. Now, she was just sitting there in her car. As I was backing out of my parking spot, I saw her get out of her car and go to the cart that I had just left there (with the dollar in it). She took it! I watched her hurry back to her car like she was trying to hide. I was at first stunned. Then, mad. She had busted up the pay it forward! Then I was bummed.

As I thought about it, I realized that I wanted the pay it forward to work the way I wanted it, on my terms. The lady, whom I had dubbed Ebenezer, had ruined it for the next person to receive a free cart. The one thing that I was overlooking was 'Ebenezer's' story, which I do not know. I was judging her for what I thought was a tragic breakdown in paying it forward. She broke the cycle. But did she? Maybe she really needed that dollar. I have no way of knowing. It wasn't even my dollar to begin with. I realized something important about paying it forward, when you add judgment to the equation, it takes away the meaning and purpose of the whole thing.

I hope that someday 'Ebenezer' is truly affected by someone paying it forward. I hope it takes her breath away that someone cares about her. I hope she is speechless in that moment and that tears well up in her eyes. I hope that the first thought in her mind at that moment is how she could do the same for someone else and then pays it forward.

Dailiness

dishes
laundry
tidy
meals
make bed
tidy
feed the dog
crowd control
practice piano
tidy
do song and dance for little people
sweep the floor
tidy again
get Elle on the bus
maybe read a book
maybe write something besides a grocery list
maybe talk to mom on the phone
tidy some more (without eye rolling)
maybe cuddle with my husband
maybe have a friend for tea

This is the outline of my dailiness.

The "dailiness" doesn't leave a lot of room for awe, but I try to see it. I try to laugh. I try to appreciate the little things. I look for Hope in the everyday connections with people. I try to see beauty in the world. I try to hear it in a song. I try to smell it in the breeze. There are amazing things to experience in the middle of the dailiness. Grilled cheese sandwiches shared with the people that you love somehow taste like something from a  gourmet kitchen. Conversations about the "whys" of life with an inquiring five-year-old that make you see things from a different perspective or make you ask your own "whys". Sloppy kisses and outside smelling hugs from busy little boys that warm up your worn-out and tired heart. Belly-laughing with your best friend until your stomach hurts and your face aches can only happen in the middle of dailiness. Dailiness is devastatingly funny sometimes, especially after the third glass of spilled milk in one meal. You really feel like crying but it is too funny, too heart-breaking, and too incredible to do anything but laugh until you can't anymore.

I sometimes long for more than dailiness, but often realize that in the middle of dailiness I feel the most love, I get to be with the people that have blessed my life the most. I am grateful for the bright spots that are my dailiness. I cherish my dailiness, what would life be without it?

Half Full

I hate to be one of those people that talks about the weather, but I've always kind of been intrigued by it. As a kid I remember when a thunderstorm was brewing, my Dad and I would pull out the lawn chairs, open up the garage door and watch as the storm unfolded in all it's glory. I think we were always hoping for a tornado to appear right before our eyes. It never happened but we did witness some amazing weather!

This week has been a week of weather here in northern Alberta. I can't really call it amazing or shocking, it's been more of an annoyance. On Sunday the calendar proclaimed the first day of spring. Elle was so disappointed that there was no grass or flowers or mud puddles appearing since it actually was the first day of spring. In her mind, if the calendar said it, it should happen. After all, birthdays, Christmas, and Valentine's Day do in fact happen on the actual day. To be honest, I would have been quite happy with that as well. Instead we have had a week of wet, sticky snow that has been blowing into drifts, making roads treacherous and impassable. Welcome to SPRING!!

So, eyes have been looking at the skies. Lips have been proclaiming disgust. Weather reports have been deemed ridiculous and the groundhog has been cursed in every language known to man. Once again, our plans have been foiled. Winter still has it's icy grip on our landscapes. But alas, spring will come. It always does.

 The snow will melt and run to fill creeks and streams. Murky puddles and  full rubber boots are coming soon.The grass will make an appearance. The drop sheet of white will be thrown back to reveal the palette of spring; soft leaf green, pussy willow grey, mud puddle brown, daffodil yellow, crocus lavender, robin breast orange, apple blossom pink and ear ache sky blue. It is coming, I promise.

On this wintry spring day breathe deeply the scent of winter's eleventh hour. Wait with anticipation the rebirth of our world. It's almost here....

Souls

For today's post I thought I would share some song lyrics that I've been working on. I wish I had the smarts to actually get the song on here somehow, that would be cool. Maybe that should be the next thing that I learn how to do. Anyway, this song is about how love changes. In the beginning, love is exciting and you feel floaty and ecstatic that love has found you. Years go by and love gets into a routine and sometimes a rut. You have to work at love to keep it. It's worth it too. I want to have an epic love story. I'm not just talking about romantic feelings either. I'm talking about respect, care, concern, thoughtfulness and perseverance to make it through the times when the "feelings" of love are not so prevalent. This is epic to me. It's a love that my kids learn by seeing it in action. It is a love that is passed down and passed on. It's what these lyrics are about....

Do you remember at hello

Hello, hello

How simple life could flow
At how moments spent in silence
Held an intense undertone
When fingers intertwined
And faces said it all
When emotion spoke much louder
Than all I can recall

We were souls bound for connection
We needed no direction
Surging past introduction
Swept away

With calendars discarded
Goodbye, goodbye
Time has brought us here
I still hold your heart
With trembling and fear
On this side of forever
The stakes are higher still
There's an ever growing dimension

Of love that we can fill

We are souls bound for connection

Needing no direction

We're surging past introduction

Swept away

Dreams have bled intensity

We push passed mediocrity

And kindle creativity

So we can love passionately....

Heroes

For the past six years, I've been teaching a class called Heroes to junior high school students in two schools.
It's a class that mines out the strengths of young people and encourages them to make positive choices with the rest of their lives in mind. I have learned so much over the years, probably more than any kid that has ever gone through the class. I find that to teach the class with passion and conviction, you really need to be struggling with your own issues and always becoming more of  hero everyday. I fail miserably, but I keep trying and I keep teaching.

Last week I started the follow-up program with 26 grade nine students. It's called H2. The premise of the follow-up program is to practice being a hero. Using the gifts and abilities that they discovered in Heroes to make a difference in the world around them. There are future leaders, farmers, teachers, artists, doctors, and parents in my class. Every week as I look into the eyes of these kids, I see their doubt. I see their pain. I see their fatigue. I see their desire for something more. My plan is always to speak to that and to breathe life into souls that have lost their sparkle. My favorite part of teaching is when I see the eyes of one of my students getting it. The moment that the light bulb goes on and they realize that their life has a purpose and that they were made uniquely to impact the world around them.

There are many layers to peel back. These kids face insecurities, fears, anger, circumstances beyond their control, pain, criticism, abuse, loneliness, and the belief that they couldn't possibly have a different life. They don't even want to believe that what I am encouraging them to do is possible. Every one of us has these layers that hide our hearts and keep us from living like heroes. We can deal with the all the layers that cover our true selves by believing that those things have power over us and keep us locked up, or we can start  practicing to live our life in a different way. When we start to live our lives with the principles of loyalty, honesty, generosity, kindness, justice, courage, perseverance, and love guiding our thoughts and our actions, the world becomes better. The lives of kids who have been told since they were little that they are useless pieces of skin are given the tools to conquer those crushing words and live with impact and purpose in the world around them. THAT makes me smile.

Each of you is a hero to someone. Use your words and your actions to breathe life into others. The world is desperate for heroes like you.....

Sweater

Last Saturday, I had a day to myself. Jeremy was hanging out with the kids so I took off to the city. I had some things to do, but I also just wanted to have some chill time. It's been a busy last couple of months and I was feeling the need to be quiet. That's what I love about going to the city. You only have to talk if you choose to. What I found in most of the places that I went into is that most people who work in retail would rather not to talk to you either. I don't really understand this but I was okay with it on that day. Silence was what I was needing.

My last stop before coming home was the Costco run. There are a few staple items for the pantry that I like to pick up there. While I was there, I noticed a lovely red sweater. It was cozy and fit perfectly. I added it to my staples in the cart. I like to get in and out of Costco as quickly as possible, I'm a list person and I usually stick with list, except for the sweater I was doing great. I stood in the long Saturday check-out line and was out of there without to much pain. I grabbed a coffee for the drive home and pointed my car in that direction.

It wasn't until I was unpacking the car at home that I missed the sweater. I looked everywhere for it. I realized I must have left it in the cart in the Costco parking lot. Sounds exactly like something that I would do. You may recall my purse fiasco of some months ago. The thoughts that came to mind after a brief episode of the "Aww Shucks!" was that I bought the universe a sweater. That made me smile. I hope that someone out there finds it and it makes their day. I hope that red is the favorite color of the person that finds it. I hope that my sweater is exactly what the person needed on that day. I hope that my sweater keeps someone warm and cozy for the rest of this crazy winter that we've been having. I hope my sweater travels to places that I've never been. I hope my sweater gets passed on and shared as it has been from the moment of purchase. I was actually happier that I didn't have it than if I was wearing it. It's funny how perspective can do that.

I found out recently that my four-year-old niece, Lylia, has two dolls that she has dubbed 'Loose' and 'Loosen' Up'. When I heard this I had to laugh. I think she is trying to tell the world something. Don't let things get you all tied up in a knot. Stay loose. If you're uptight, loosen' up and buy the universe a sweater!

Lemons

At lunch today, we were talking about Elle's birthday which is coming up in April. I asked her what she would like to do. It took her about two seconds to respond with, "I would like for us all to go to Mexico." I'm not sure where that came from or why that is something that she would like to do, but it is obviously something she thinks would be fun. I think it would be fun too, but I know that we will not be going to Mexico for her 6th birthday!

This conversation got me thinking about how often the things we really would like to do, our dreams, often bump into reality. I had to break the news to Elle that we would not be going Mexico for her birthday, but that we could have a Mexican party instead. When I said the word pinata, her eyes got big! Her dream might not happen but there are other options that are doable. The reality is that we cannot go to Mexico. So often, we get stuck or obsess about a dream that isn't happening the way we want it too. We pout, we complain, and we agonize over our discontent with how things are turning out in our lives. We think that everything about life should be as we want it....now. I'm not completely sure why we feel this sense of entitlement, but it really can mess you up.

I read something awhile ago about the people that are most content in the whole world. They are Danish, not the pastry, just to clarify. The Danes have learned a secret about contentment. It's to expect nothing. Their contentment is based on the premise that if you expect nothing, anything good that comes along is bonus. If you expect nothing, you won't be disappointed. I'm not saying that this is the way to live; without expectations. But I think it may have some merit with a few tweaks. I think it may come down to what kind of expectations you have. This may seem harsh but here's what I think...expect to fail. Expect that life will be difficult. Expect that you will feel pain. Expect that life will not look like a fairy tale Disney flick. Expect that life will not always go as you plan it. Expect that in the middle of all of life's messes there is HOPE. I have been learning that hope comes in the form of God. In the middle of the mess, I am not alone, He's there. I have been expecting to meet Him in the messes that life brings. It's where He wants to meet me. I cannot promise that all your dreams will come true, it's not a reality in any one's life that I know of. It's in the mess where we learn truths about ourselves and about God. I say bring on the mess!

I am not a "glass-half-empty" kind of girl, though it may seem so today, but I do think that I am beginning to be able to see a reality that is more in focus. I expect that a lot of you will have issues with this post, because it is not what you usually hear about dreams and life. It's not about making lemonade when life hands you lemons. That's just another way for you to control the mess. It's about handing the lemons to a God that cares and wants you to know Him and trust Him with your lemons. I truly believe that the best life we can have is when we meet God in the messes that life will bring.