Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Shiny and New

I bought a dress today. For anyone who knows me, this is monumental. I've written about it before. I struggle. I so long to be feel myself in a dress. Something that suits. Something that has class. Something that I can breathe in. I found one. I bought it for me. I bought it in the anticipation of being able to wear it somewhere and feel great about myself. I also bought it in the anticipation of looking over my shoulder and catching my husband's eyes on me. That is what this dress will do with me in it.

There's something about that shiny and new feeling... kind of effervescent. There's a sparkle to it. I am feeling nostalgic about when I first fell into this thing called love with Jeremy. When shiny and new was an understatement. Every moment was rose-tinted. Memories are imprinted on my brain from that season of new love. I see us sitting across from each other in a restaurant and him staring at me. I say, "What?" He says, "Nothing." He didn't need to say anything. I didn't really need to ask either. Eyes said much. There was tenderness and bubbly, floaty nervous tension that words just couldn't describe. I remember holding hands and walking slowly around the neighborhood that I lived in. Other people's houses and lives became our dreams. We reeked of idealism and hope. I remember talking about what that would look like and now we live it everyday.

I love the shiny and new feeling. It's the dress on the hanger in my closet waiting to be unveiled. There is no history yet, just possibilities. I have also come to love and appreciate comfy and worn-in, more like the pair of sweats that I have owned for thirteen years and still wear. Our love has walked down the road of those figments of our imagination. We have children. We have a home. We are together. We still love. Comfy and worn-in has seen enough of 'til death do us part to keep holding strong. We fight and we laugh. We hold close and we let go. We reminisce and we dream. We continue to learn and challenge our love. We expand our hearts a little more all the time, breathing the same air and kissing the same lips. There is even the shiny and new feeling now and then when he looks at me (in my sweats) and I say, "What?" And he says, "Nothing." Eyes still communicate much and I am so still in love.